Hello Everyone-
I was flipping through a magazine the other day and came across a photo of a beautiful Cambodian little girl with large dark eyes (if not a little sad) and a cleft palate. It was an advertisment for The Smile Train (
www.smiletrain.org), a volunteer organization that pays for surgeries to repair cleft palates for poor children all over the world. I was moved by the picture and I heard a little voice say “pay the $250.00 for a child’s surgery in lieu of Christmas gifts this year.” I tucked the little voice away, which was then followed by a littany of protests from Uncle Fester and the Aunties* (for explanation and description, see asterik at the end of the letter) - “that’s stupid, how do you know the money will get there anyway? Won’t your family and friends feel like they got the raw end of the deal? They will just think you’re a bleeding liberal, blah, blah, blah....”.
So this is how my life has gone this past year. I hear a small voice, I know it’s the truth and the best thing to do/be and I am inspired, then the littany from the peanut gallery in my head starts. Here are some other examples:
Small Voice: “Make a CD of your songs, people will buy it and some will be very moved; it will be a way to pay for your art”.
Uncle Fester and the Aunties: “Yeah right, who would listen? You’re not ready; you don’t know what you’re doing, that’s silly, blah, blah, blah.....”
Result: I made the CD anyway. It was produced by my friend Ron Gomez and many talented folks played on it. It was a beautiful, growing experience; I’ve sold a few hundred, and many have shared how the songs have touched them; my friend Susan created a slide show using my song “Mockingbird” and posted it on youtube for the Barak Obama campaign.
www.mariemcgilvray.com;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaExFyaSEDE
Small Voice: “Apply for the Bioness clinical specialist position(
www.bioness.com); you will get the job, quit the VA, you will do well and it will compliment your music well”.
Uncle Fester and the Aunties: “You’re not qualified; what, leave the security of the VA?!!!, you’ll be discovered as a fake therapist, holy S*&%! what are you thinking, your music will suffer, blah, blah, blah...”
Result: I did apply for the job as a clinical specialist, I quit the VA after 11 years, I LOVE it (after a 3 month transitional period when I felt like somebody moved the earth and forgot to tell me); I am learning literally everyday, I am empowering therapists to be better therapists, I’ve played more live shows this year than the last 3 years combined, my business partner and I are the leading team in the country for setting up patients with home units.
Small Voice: “Sign up for the music festivals in Dewey Beach and Cincinnati; say yes to as many playing opportunities as possible; this will be a crucial step in promoting yourself as an artist”.
Uncle Fester and the Aunties: “You’re not ready, you’re not good enough, how will you pay for it? What if you forget to wear your pants? Blah, blah, blah...”
Result: I signed up, I got in, performed in Cinncinati, Delaware, NY, Nashville and California this year; I made some new friends and many were moved by the music; I have some new direction/opportunities for next year; my trip to NY was paid for by my performance!
www.myspace.com/mariemcgilvray (look up previous shows).
Small Voice: “Send an electronic Christmas greeting this year; you’ll create less waste, save a tree and money!”.
Uncle Fester and the Aunties: We give up, do what you want!
Result: Here is my Christmas greeting to all of my loved ones. I feel like the wealthiest woman in the world having each of you in my life. Hope you feel the love through your computer screen!
Small Voice: “Pay for a child’s surgery in lieu of Chrismtas presents this year”.
Result: A beautiful child will gain a smile, I’ve had the most peaceful Christmas shopping experience, my family and friends -
(you’ll have to fill in your response).
Each time you smile this season, know that you helped a child gain their ability to smile - I am so grateful for the smiles and laughs you’ve given me over the years....
All My Love,
Marie (aka Preena, Preenie, the Scottish Goddess, Marie-Dee, Dee -Dee, Rie-Rie)
* Uncle Fester and the Aunties are the names/characters I've given to the negative nellie voices in my head. I read about it in the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron that this is common among artists (and probably everyone) that when we're onto a good idea or are inspired, once that voice passes, the critical voices step in. By identifying them and giving them character, their power is diminished. Now, when I hear them, I know I'm on the right track. I welcome them in for coffee and they quiet down.
Uncle Fester inherited his family fortune, but he was selfish and afraid that everybody would steal it - so he buried it in the ground and told nobody - he would keep it to himself, damn it and nobody would touch it. Well, unfortunately he forgot where he buried it, spent 20 years trying to find it and now he is a crotchety old man with 1 rotted tooth, old stained clothes, pants that are unzipped and urine stained. His only pleasure in life is to criticize me and prevent me from having mine! He's harmless, actually and every once in a while I almost see him cracking a smile.
The aunties - 3 sisters who never married because they complain so much! Nelda is a worry wart - she has the worse case scenario for everything - she has a high pitched shrilly voice. I calm her down with chocolate and candles. Zelda is mean. Her face is tight with lots of wrinkles. She is judgemental and above it all. She doesn't realize she forgot to put her clothes on! Belda is pissed because she was given such an awful name. She cries a lot and feels sorry for herself. She is jealous of the other 2 sisters. She has a secret crush on Uncle Fester.